A Banana Parade

          --By G Manjusainath

Things seem to be going awry these days. While the market is on fire due to inflation, banana prices have simply sky-rocketed.

“Rs seven a banana,” the local fruit vendor gave a curt reply to my query on banana price.

I know this vendor chap for the last five years. I still believe that he is very familiar to us. Earlier our conversation used to start with the exchange of greetings paving my way to bargain. But for the last one year his behaviour has changed dramatically. These days he gives very terse replies as if he is a very busy man. Probably he has sensed that friendliness with everyone hampers business prospects.

When I poked the vendor to know the reason behind steep rise in banana prices, he started opening up.

“Sir, God only knows what has happened to the Congressmen nowadays. They are on a banana buying spree leading to a huge gap between the demand and supply. As a result, the banana prices have spiralled like never before. One thing is for sure, their new-found love for banana has got nothing to do with the festival season.” Almost after a year I heard him uttering so many words in one go.

My quest to dig more on the acute shortage of banana led me to Kelamal Aamchandani, a wholesale fruit merchant, who is said to be a distant relative of Balkrishna Sadvani (name changed for obvious reasons).

“Kelamal Ji, why are people buying banana in bulk these days?”

The wholesale dealer corrected me, “It's not the Aam Admi  - the so-called common man -, but the Congressmen who are on a buying spree. I prefer calling it panic-buying.”

“But why?” I asked.

“To prove the first Jeeja G of the country right. You may be aware that he has come under fire for his Facebook status message, 'Mango People in Banana Republic',” said Kelamal.

“So?” My astonishment increased.

“The Congressmen are consuming banana in bulk, feeding the fruit to the poor and needy people, hanging it at the entrance of their houses and offering it to the Gods and Goddesses. These exercises are meant to prove India a real Banana Republic,” Kelamal explained.

He declared that the banana prices will shoot up further in January.

I was baffled. “What's the January connection?”

Kelamal elaborated, “January 26 will be celebrated as Banana Republic Day, this year.”

My anxiety increased. I asked, “What will happen that day?”

“It will be a very special day for India, way beyond eating, feeding and hanging bananas. The annual parade will see 'Men in No Uniform',” Kelamal chuckled only to increase my curiosity.

“But what's the need? We will be a laughing stock across the globe!” I screamed.

“Cool down my dear. There is more to the story, which, I think, you will be keen to know,” said Kelamal adding, “The historic parade this year is to strengthen our belief that we are a Banana Republic as declared by our First Jeeja G. For a change, the theme of all the tableaux that will pass through the Raaj-Path this year will revolve around the banana instead of our military prowess where we used to display missiles and tankers. Also, the parade leaders will not hold sword or baton this year but bananas only.”
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